Old Standup Jokes

Here are some stand up jokes I wrote a while back.  I haven't performed in 2 years but I came across my old notebook:

A friend of mine once told me, “You’ll never believe who just called me.”  I said, “Bigfoot? Because if it’s a person, any person on the face of the Earth, I can believe that they called you.  Even people without hands can make a phone call… You were wrong in your assessment of my ability to believe you.” 

He said, “God.”

I said, “I hope he has free roaming or else his bill will be very high.”  There are no cell phone towers in heaven or else we’d hear about it.  Even if Belinda Carlisle was correct I don’t believe any telephone company has a contract with heaven.  That would be a very good selling point. 

“At At&t, you can call heaven!  You can speak to Steve Jobs from your Iphone!  They have a direct transfer to hell.”